Romain and I started our goodbyes

we started saying goodbye. It still feels early, we still have 3 weeks and 2 days before we leave, but they'll pass by way too fast.

I'm too lazy to upload the pictures one by one, it keeps crashing. so you'll just have to click on the picture to see the larger version.

He said goodbye to Laetitia by eating a shawarma.
the picture of the back of his head is just posted for my health.


I said goodbye to erin by having her tell a story while holding Romain's breast from when he was 17; and hiding behind the staircase she decorated in montmartre; and drinking wine out of a baby bottle; and kissing by the metro; and picking up a random orange clock with a missing hand on the side of the street.

JULIETTE WALKED!!!

she did she did!!!
yesterday, she was standing there crying and trying to hold on to my legs while i needed to go get her food, so I backed up quickly, out of her reach, and she followed!!!! 3 whole steps before she sat (fell) down!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!
3 whole steps!! i'm good to leave this continent now.

p.s.

ANYBODY WANT MY JOB FROM NOW TO JULY 31ST???
it's fun, pays well, and you barely do ANYTHING!!

take my job!

Ever since the beginning of may, I've been waiting anxiously for the end of june, my imaginary cut off date with the family. not that I don't like working for them, but it's really a pain in the ass (and every other muscle and bone in my body, physically) to simply even go to work.

I spend 2 dagnammed hours to commute; if I take my computer, I discover a loose screw in my body by the 4th step; if I don't take my computer, I waste all the time that I spend at the house and all my existing pains still start by the 10th step.

The dread of going to work amplified 16 times when I found out 5 days ago that they need me until the end of eternity (july)!!! I thought they only needed me until school vacation, but they actually meant whenever the parents wanted to take their vacation. There's no way will I be able to board the train to Chaville for another month; or lug my 5 ton computer in the forest; or cook with nothing I like in the fridge; or order cereal only to have it all be eaten the day after it arrives; or hear to ariane's voice for another month of my life.

I am wasting so much of the time that I don't have left in Paris, am not paid jack, totally over both of the kids, (ok fine, not juliette I would pack her in my Florida bags if I could, I just wanted to hear myself say out of spite that I was over her ).

But still, I can't bring myself to just leave. The family has been too good to me, the only reason it's not rewarding now is because I've chosen no longer live there.

decisions

they used to be so easy! what happend? now my brain makes every step deeper and heavier than they are in reality. like where to go for the next couple of years...what difference does it make where we go? neither is a wrong choice... why can't i just pick up my ass and go anymore. why am I so indecisive?

even retouching pictures...editing was always a problem, but my selections were definitely tighter before; and I NEVER had different versions one image. I don't know what I want in my life, but can't I at least have an aesthetic preference??

misplaced

where did my independence go? hmmm... i hope it will, like my glasses, show up when i'm not searching. but not at eileen's house

tumblers R us

Juliette's tumbling down the stairs has nothing to do with this, but it just so happens that that was when my emotional tumbling action started, and I started a blog entry called "tumblers R us" and then didn't feel like posting it because i was not tumbling by the time i half finished the entry. Well, that little tumbly period lasted a few days, meaning I would hit the bottom, and then bounce up high, and then come back down. But this time around, the bouncing is lasting ridiculously long.

I feel like a giant tennis ball bouncing on the moon, no, on a spatial body where gravity changes all the time, so I could be rising or falling for hours or seconds, with no predictable pattern.

jess, sunshine, and van

pictures from our vacation in Nice.


what jess did all weekend.




a necklace that I really really really wanted, and it wasn't even THAT expensive...being with a group that wanted to keep moving helped.
maybe I thought I could steal it.


dead fish in the ocean


lionel's littlest baby.

we liked leaning in high places; and I swear we are not about to orgasm from altitude change in that one photo.

I like to eat nicoise flowers
I was bored; Van was super stressed out; at least jess had fun at the golf course.

us in Nathalie's studio jess in car.
us attempting to jump many times
scaling walls


and sitting in walls

van spying on me while i was doing yoga/dance/taichi poses and flexing my ultra-muscular arms.

beeeeeeeeeaaach

jessica groping me accidentally on purpose made me grow a beard


boohooo...she left.

no more fighting

My aupair job just got much easier as of a few minutes ago.
Even before I arrived, Sabine told me that Ariane had a difficult personality, and that we needed to be firm with her and stand our ground. That's why I always went out of my way to contribute to her education as a human being - I felt that I owed it to her parents who are so good to me, and I would hate to see Ariane become an adult being the way she is.
However, I just realized that I really don't owe it to Sabine and Amaury to install order in their kids brain if they don't even do it themselves. I have never seen them win a power contest against Ariane--they would yell back and forth, send her to her room and ground her, but then give her what she wanted the a few hours a days later. They win the skirmishes, but she always wins the war.
so....I'm just going to just going to save my gunpowder and just stop caring. no more forcing her to do anything that's good for her; no more correcting her when she does or says something wrong; no more fun things with her either, because then I'd just start to like her again (despite everything, she's actually a pleasant kid when you're just playing).

spring birthdays and babies

8pm view from my front door.

I've started numerous entries when not on the internet but never finished or posted them; because everytime I had internet, my mood changed and I didn't feel like posting them anymore.
eventually I guess I should finished them, when my internal rollercoaster starts rolling again.
But for now, all I think about is spring in paris-- it keeps teasing me; one day it's here, then next day it snows, but the it's impossible to escape the tulips that are blooming ubiquitously.
juliette is growing hair but no teeth.
romain and I are growing serious.
here's the evidence from my iphone.

i invented a game involving juliette's hair and paul mitchell hair glue

here there's no hair glue involved, just her rolling out of bed.

she loves to eat bread before growing out any teeth.

and she has no idea her hair looks like a chicken's butt.

juliette trying to eat the bracelet her sister made me.

she's into putting her fingures into holes, such as broken chairs...

..and Erin's cleavage

juliette giving erin a uculele lesson

this photo has nothing to do with anything but erin is so ridiculously gorgeous here that I had to post it.

juliette's scarf is a bit big on my baby, but the color suits him so well.

menacing babies R us

...sleeping babies R us

he carved me a vampire out of a lime!!!

I love the ice baton in my glass

pwesent time!!! (for the fake birthday)

he went all the way to Neuilly to by the boxes and paper and then went all the way to the 18th to get the cherry blossoms! just for a fake birthday!

his mother brought me beautiful jewelry from morocco for my real birthday

pwesents for the real birthday

ROMAIN MADE ME AN IPHONE CASE OUT OF A KIMONO!!! AAAAAHH he didn't even know how to thread the needle into the machine before this!

we had a sudden identity crisis one day and thought we were kangaroo-penguins.

lookin all gangstah on the train.

tulips EVERYWHERE!!