JULIETTE WALKED!!!

she did she did!!!
yesterday, she was standing there crying and trying to hold on to my legs while i needed to go get her food, so I backed up quickly, out of her reach, and she followed!!!! 3 whole steps before she sat (fell) down!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!
3 whole steps!! i'm good to leave this continent now.

p.s.

ANYBODY WANT MY JOB FROM NOW TO JULY 31ST???
it's fun, pays well, and you barely do ANYTHING!!

take my job!

Ever since the beginning of may, I've been waiting anxiously for the end of june, my imaginary cut off date with the family. not that I don't like working for them, but it's really a pain in the ass (and every other muscle and bone in my body, physically) to simply even go to work.

I spend 2 dagnammed hours to commute; if I take my computer, I discover a loose screw in my body by the 4th step; if I don't take my computer, I waste all the time that I spend at the house and all my existing pains still start by the 10th step.

The dread of going to work amplified 16 times when I found out 5 days ago that they need me until the end of eternity (july)!!! I thought they only needed me until school vacation, but they actually meant whenever the parents wanted to take their vacation. There's no way will I be able to board the train to Chaville for another month; or lug my 5 ton computer in the forest; or cook with nothing I like in the fridge; or order cereal only to have it all be eaten the day after it arrives; or hear to ariane's voice for another month of my life.

I am wasting so much of the time that I don't have left in Paris, am not paid jack, totally over both of the kids, (ok fine, not juliette I would pack her in my Florida bags if I could, I just wanted to hear myself say out of spite that I was over her ).

But still, I can't bring myself to just leave. The family has been too good to me, the only reason it's not rewarding now is because I've chosen no longer live there.

decisions

they used to be so easy! what happend? now my brain makes every step deeper and heavier than they are in reality. like where to go for the next couple of years...what difference does it make where we go? neither is a wrong choice... why can't i just pick up my ass and go anymore. why am I so indecisive?

even retouching pictures...editing was always a problem, but my selections were definitely tighter before; and I NEVER had different versions one image. I don't know what I want in my life, but can't I at least have an aesthetic preference??

misplaced

where did my independence go? hmmm... i hope it will, like my glasses, show up when i'm not searching. but not at eileen's house

tumblers R us

Juliette's tumbling down the stairs has nothing to do with this, but it just so happens that that was when my emotional tumbling action started, and I started a blog entry called "tumblers R us" and then didn't feel like posting it because i was not tumbling by the time i half finished the entry. Well, that little tumbly period lasted a few days, meaning I would hit the bottom, and then bounce up high, and then come back down. But this time around, the bouncing is lasting ridiculously long.

I feel like a giant tennis ball bouncing on the moon, no, on a spatial body where gravity changes all the time, so I could be rising or falling for hours or seconds, with no predictable pattern.