latenight intruder

All my childhood, everytime a water drop leaked into the sink or a popping noise came from the wood in the roof, or a pigeon scratched at my window, I imagined someone breaking in. It never actually happened, but I envisioned the scenes at at least 836 times-- daddy armed with our cleaver going at the intruder, me phoning the police under the blankets (on a cellphone of course, the burglar would've cut the telephone lines).

Last night, just before 4am, Romain and I were in afterplay, when suddenly, we hear loud and suspended coughing just outside the door. First we thought it was Monsieur Wong not-so-subtly telling us to be quiet, since there's only 2 feet between our doors and the walls act as amplifiers between our apartments. But then an almost inaudible shuffling starts, and now we are almost sure that we aren't overreacting-- it is indeed coming from just outside the door.

Romain gets dressed, makes me put on a t-shirt, and proceeds to the door, kitchen knife in hand, and doesn't forget to tell me to hide under the covers before opening the door.

He opens the door and studies the ground for half a minute, by which time I conclude that we had overreacted--how long does it take to survey a 2 by 1.5-foot space? but then he says "What are you doing there?"
That's when I realize that there is a shapeless bundle on the ground.
"mmbrtheubp" says the bundle.
"You have to go somewhere else."
"I don't have anywhere else"
"Well you can't just invite yourself to other people's corridors"
The bundle reluctantly walks/craws/tumbles down the staircase.

He tried calling the police then, but never succeeded, I suppose it got too complicated with the automated systems (which I'd always imagined --if your house is on fire, press 1; if you're being raped press too; stay on the line if you're dying).